The silent spiral of workplace violence
When the line blurs
A victim of discrimination can become discriminatory. Someone who has been harassed can become a harasser. Someone who has been hurt — deeply, genuinely — can go on to hurt others.
This isn’t a moral contradiction. It’s a human reality.
In my work as a trainer, internal investigator, and external confidential advisor, I witness this pattern repeatedly. Managers who were once humiliated and now — unconsciously — replicate abusive dynamics. People who have faced discrimination and go on to exclude those they perceive as “different.” Victims of harassment who end up inflicting the same kind of harm on their colleagues.
Naming this is not about minimising the suffering of victims. It’s about refusing to let that suffering become a dead end. Because violence doesn’t simply disappear — it circulates, shifts shape, and finds new faces.
«There is no worse victim than the one who turns another into a victim in turn Il n’y a pas de pire victime que celle qui en fait une autre à son tour. »
A friend offered me this phrase a year ago. We had barely met, and already he was putting words to something I witness every single day. A phrase that speaks to the very heart of Rezalliance’s mission: breaking the silent spiral of workplace violence.
To get there, we first need to face an uncomfortable truth: without inner healing, those who have been harmed can reproduce the very violence they experienced — unintentionally, sometimes unknowingly, but always with the same devastating impact on others.
How the spiral works
We experience harm. We don’t process what happened. We normalise it, justify certain behaviours — and then we repeat them.
This cycle remains largely invisible to those who perpetuate it. Identifying as a “victim” protects our self-image. Recognising ourselves as agents of violence — even involuntarily — takes real courage and self-awareness.
-> An overview of our training topics is available here.
The blind spot organisations keep missing
Most organisations still approach the prevention of harassment and discrimination through rules, procedures, and sanctions. That’s essential — but it’s not enough.
As long as we fail to address unregulated emotions, unacknowledged wounds, and defensive behaviours — aggression, dominance, cynicism, withdrawal — we treat the symptoms, not the root cause.
For prevention to be effective, it must operate across three levels, as defined by the WHO as far back as 1948: primary, by reshaping work organisation and management culture to eliminate risk factors at the source; secondary, by equipping individuals to recognise and navigate high-risk situations; and tertiary, by providing support to victims once harm has occurred. These three levels are complementary and inseparable — none can replace the others.
Emotional intelligence: an underused lever
Developing emotional intelligence — a concept popularised by psychologist Daniel Goleman in the 1990s — doesn’t mean becoming “soft” or lowering the bar. It means being willing to have difficult conversations, starting with yourself:
- What is this situation triggering in me?
- Am I defending myself — or attacking?
- Am I responding to a real threat, or to an old wound?
- What role am I playing, right now, in this cycle?
These questions speak directly to what trauma specialists call emotional reactivity: the tendency to respond to the present with the emotions of the past. Understanding this mechanism is often the first step toward breaking the cycle.
They also invite us to explore what neuropsychiatrist Dan Siegel calls the window of tolerance: the zone in which we can process our emotions without tipping into automatic reaction. It is within that space that the spiral can be interrupted.
A few signposts for breaking the spiral
For individuals: build self-awareness, take persistent emotional signals seriously, seek support before your own unresolved pain starts shaping your behaviour toward others.
For organisations: create genuinely safe, external, and neutral spaces for dialogue; train managers to read emotional dynamics — not just performance indicators; embed prevention into everyday practice rather than deploying it only in response to a crisis.
The response must match the complexity
A systemic problem cannot be addressed through a single lens. That’s why our training approach at Rezalliance is built around three interconnected dimensions: (1) understanding psychosocial risks and the mechanisms of harassment and discrimination; (2) developing managerial and psychosocial competencies; (3) governance and organisational culture.
Because the spiral doesn’t respect organisational charts, our foundational training — on recognising psychosocial risks and understanding how workplace harassment operates — is designed for everyone, including senior leadership.
Every intervention we deliver is tailored to the specific context, sector, and maturity level of the organisation. With one guiding principle: to challenge without brutalising, to question without inducing guilt, to transform without illusion.
Commitments that go beyond the workplace
Healthy work environments are not built by pitting individuals against organisations. Resilience must be both psychological and organisational — two parallel paths moving in the same direction. That’s how we reduce workplace violence, strengthen governance, protect people’s integrity, and build an employer brand that is strong and credible.
What unfolds within organisations reflects what is happening in society at large. Shifting mindsets and behaviours requires action beyond the walls of any single company.
This conviction has been with me since I founded Rezalliance in 2020. It has taken on new meaning now that the very friend I mention at the start of this article is co-organising with me the 2026 edition of the International Day Against Harassment and for Inclusion in the World of Work — a personal commitment as much as a professional one. All details at www.24may.org.
For updates on the programme and speakers for the 2026 edition, follow the LinkedIn page: International Day Against Harassment and for Inclusion in the World of Work 👉🏾
“There is no worse victim than the one who goes on to create innocent victims in turn.” — Joëlle Payom
Oscar Lalo once wrote: “The former victim makes the best perpetrator.“ My friend’s phrase and Lalo’s say the same thing, differently. I would add one distinction: the perpetrator I worry about most is not the one who responds with violence in self-defence — it’s the one who goes on to create innocent victims.
This is not inevitable. The spiral can be broken — but only by those willing to look honestly inward. And if that inner journey feels too difficult to make alone, asking for help is not a weakness. Quite the opposite.
Further reading
- On emotional intelligence: Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional Intelligence. Bantam Books.
- On emotional reactivity: Van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score. Penguin. https://www.albin-michel.fr/le-corps-noublie-rien-9782226457486
- On the window of tolerance: Siegel, D. J. (1999). The Developing Mind. Guilford Press.
Joëlle Payom —
Yours sincerely,
Joëlle Payom – Founder of Rezalliance and Initiator of the International Day Against Harassment and for Inclusion in the World of Work. (www.24may.org)
💡Discover more about Rezalliance achievements.